September's ending, have you woken?

I thought that September is an indicator that the year's ending pretty soon.
What happened to the earlier months of 2006?
You realise that time sped at a increasing rate as you age.
I vividly recalled during March(an extremely long month then), I thought I would "die" in September.Not only it's a long month without break and also a heavy load month.
Look at it, we are flipping to a new month in less than 2 hours.

Every night before I doze off to Lalala Land, I thought of time.
Time of the past, present and perhaps the future.
I wanna be prepare for everything yet again time is just slipping without notice.
I can't bear to think of certain inevitable things in time to come yet I can't do or perhaps didn't do enough to really treasure things and people now.

We are always caught in things we see now and we forget what's really dear in life.

This week I have been trying to keep myself "alive" during work. But I usually caught myself as another "half awake" ind-uhvidual just blindly doing a day's job travelling deadly to work and off work.
But I'm alive during work itself cos' work seems to be the only thing that's under my control and it helps that I'm calling the shots for this week.

Wake up,Michy!Wake up! I told myself repeatly. Life's too short for you to dream like this.

Absolutely much interesting to blog lately.

Maybe October.

Call me ignorant or plain stupid. I didn't know that almond came from peach till my dad showed me.
Such lil' things makes me feel young. Bwahaha.

Blah!

Day 3 of "War week". It was horrendous and I wondered how did Tracy cope with such load for 7 years?
I was so damn busy every single minute (except lunch time) that I wish I have 4 hours and another brain to work with.
I was so damn busy that I felt like a pregnant woman. Heartburn, dizzy spells, nauseated and all.
I was so damn busy that I can hardly walk a straight line on my way home.
I was so damn busy that I gobbled my dinner cos' my stomach feels so empty (though I dont really feel hungry), I just need the energy.
I was so damn busy that I have no time/strength to blog.

But again I tell myself to keep entertained by such responsibility and part of me enjoy what I am doing cos' I have absolute control and authority.

I have been thinking on what are the future career paths to take.

I was caught in between in doing something I would like to do but will never provide that kinda challenge-satisfaction and pay that would never earn me a overseas trip and doing something that means fucking work and practicing self-motivation month after month.

And in between that, I was weighing against the thought of "You are young and ought to slog it out before anything. Do what the society has to offer and then settle down for something you think you like." and "How long do you know you can live?Living's only once and you should always do something you wanna/think you like to do."

Would it be a just lingering thought and remains a resolution year after year for most of us here?

This is not only a 22 yr old problem. This could be the problem for most half-awake
ind-uhviduals like us. Of cos' the younger you are, the lighter the whole issue it could be.
Imagine if you are married and tied with a family, you think you can afford to give that thought a thought?

I thought I am just waiting for time to ripe before I can go.
Maybe that and maybe I wanna stay on to hit a peak before leaving.
Maybe that or I am hesistating cos' I have no concrete plans yet.
Maybe that or I know leaving here is a very difficult thing to do cos' the culture here is so family on the good days and it won't be as easy as just tendering a resignation letter to boss.

I am just telling myself now to buck up and keep upbeat.(as much as possible)

Life's worth living cos' we have too much.(count simple things in life like your regular breakfast)

And like Jason's chirpy voice last night.
He was in such a good mood that I almost doubt it was him I'm talking to. Not that he is often in a bad mood but he was extra chirpy last night. And he told me it could be the good weather.
Why not tell me it's because of me?
Haha.

Anyway,TGIF tomorrow.
><..Day 4, sigh~~~~~~Charge!

Nothing but Trouble -A1

Whenever there's a song that I wanna hear (like The One You Love),I would most probably ask Jason to sing it for me.
Jason sings great, though he sings more than unnecessarily. Haha.

I thought I’m kinda overdoing it this month.
I spent too much. I was debating with myself on whether I should buy the small bouquets for his auntie and cousin when I attend their ‘party’ tomorrow.
Seriously I could have chosen not to go. Jurong East (and very east) is a killer for a Serangoon towner like me. Especially on a Tuesday night, especially when I know Tracy would not be around.
And if I go, I could have chosen not to buy anything at all. It’s really ok, I think and seriously it’s fine.
Of cos’ the main problem is I spent too much. I bought stuff (Excluding my own share) for Jason, for my brother, for his cousins and still bought 3 packs of tissues for $1. I just keep withdrawing from the ATM that I thought it IS gonna be abit of a problem for me.

BUT when I thought it would be nice to give his auntie and cousin a nice bouquet each, I thought they might be delighted with flowers(even though it could be the most useless gifts around, their beauty don’t even last.),I thought money just ain’t that important. You can save that another $20 that last you for maybe 2 days or so but you could have spent that another $20 for someone’s smile which is priceless? Even if the flowers aren’t gonna last for just a fortnight, but it is that moment of smile when they receive that flowers that matter to me at least.

I thought I am just one more step to saint or sane but when you read something inspirational and is inspired, try keeping that. That faith perhaps is a mark that differ hell from heaven.

So what am I talking about?

All I wanna say is every gift is one’s efforts & thoughts. Put kids’ presents aside,
I thought buying a bouquet is easy but I ended up walking in a few rounds in Raffles place (while I was there today. I loathe that place that stinks of something..something dead.) just to find a floral shop. Maybe I am idiotically directionless in Raffles place but still it’s that efforts and thoughts that mark up the price of what that 3 roses originally cost.

So next time even when you received something you didn’t really fancy, at least thank that person from the heart. It makes a lot of difference than just a ‘heh..thanks.’

Speaking of Raffles Place, I dunno why I just can’t like that place enough. People there could never smile. People there are always looking at something, somewhere. People there could never slow down. Even that floral auntie was not smiling till she finally got warmed up by/to me. And no, that Mr Bean’s crew was so stern looking and they have the worse pearls around! I hate tasteless pearls!

Something’s quite wrong with that place. It was badly heated by the blocks of bricks, metals, concrete. I was feeling really hot when I was there.

Remind me part and parcel of passages in Tuesday with Morrie. Maybe we need people like them to work in that kinda places,over crowded by banks and banks and banks, to keep the economy going. (which is still a debatable news for people like me)

I guess I would never work there IF I have a choice.

Compared to a congested place like there, Selegie seems much friendlier and H.Front seems much cooler.

But again, how does it matter where you are when people are the factor?

Something’s missing somewhere in their place and soul, can’t help them.
I am figuring a way to find that myself.

Anyway hope tomorrow ain’t as bad as I thought. Or really I haven’t thought it as bad yet. Just hope I can handle it.

I just fell in love with this song recently

THE ONE YOU LOVE
Glenn Frey, Jack Tempchin

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer

Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gona say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through

All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

On the weekends

I don't usually blog about what I did everyday. I am often more quick to type what I thought and feel than to concentrate about the little nothings of everyday.
But I never disregard on what's everyday's events as unimportant,of cos' Mondays to Fridays usually are. =/

Anyway on Friday, 22nd September 2006.

I took leave and reached Orchard 40 plus minutes after 2pm,in (what Von called it) vibrant yellow Spaghetti U2 top and that droopy jeans. Oh and that big green Malloca tote bag which is so heavy!

Sourcing for gifts is a chore mostly. I thought that kids & men stuffs are the most difficult type that you wanna buy presents for. Why kids? You would be bewildered by the range of toys all at a price you pay for a good dinner or a fancy top.And it's not that kids play with that very toy for all their childhood. They have more than that, y'know.

I spent a long time @ Taka Lv3, kids department. There you see rich mummies spoiling their kids in English. And you can almost tell the kinda smug look in the faces of their children like they think they are doing a better job than their parents. Feel like slapping them anyway.
What if I become like them one day? Tell me about it when you finally see me having a kid then.

A nice water bottle was what I was told that lil' Cadence would like to have.
Nice water bottle?I imagined a missy' like Cadence would have defined nice as really nice and beautiful. I couldn't find that kinda nice water bottle and was really frustrated by the few options that I saw there. Stupid H'llo Kitty bottle that's priced at $20 odd. What the -?
It's not that the price that matters to me. It is the notion of what if that wasn't nice enough for Cadence and what if that "I have already~~" comes outta her mouth later??

I walked from Taka to Paragon to Cineleisure back to Forum.
Wobbly legs and aching shoulders!

I spent a long time at Forum's ToysRus.Bought what I thought that the girls would love to play for a while and hopefully she doesnt has it.


That's Jason doing tatoo-ing for Cadence.


That's one Missy,one Princess and one Devilish boy.lol.

I went to the his grandma's house for a lil while and funny how I thought I wouldnt enjoy it better than just 2 of us together.
The kids' affection is just so open and kind.They just hug you as and when and tell you they miss you.(yes, me!!)
But again, not every now and then. It's not that I don't like them but sometimes it is just not the same.


The sweetest moment. That's Cadence's dad. She just keep insisting that her dad to eat the hotdog with her like that,even though uncle Brandon was shy about that.She really loves her dad alot. Shame that they should be separated every 5 days or so.


I'm getting ahead of myself now.
Friday evening, I met up with my sweet dears.
Dinner at Cream Bistro was different from year 2004 but never less memorable.




At Mccafe.Finally a shot that captured 3 of us together.


Von's craps! I'm keeping them anyhow.
=)

After coming out from his grandma's house on Saturday,23rd Sept 06. I visited:


Von would be glad cos' she insisted that I MUST go.
Nutella, Teh Tarik, Milo, Horlicks, Bandung, Cheesecakes etc. All the unique ice-cream flavours.
Thank you!




He always love to act like he's part of the beautiful picture. Well..maybe he is to me,sometimes.
haha.




I'm hungry by now.

It's gonna be a tiring week, I think and expect so.

But I am gonna be different. I am trying to believe once more in my own culture.

Let's not get shortchanged by the nasty things in life.

At least..We are living. If you are not, start believing!

One more try

That was one of the last songs from the former boyband-A1, if you still remember them.
I dunno why the sudden decision to disband. They arrived at the time when every girls go ga-ga over Backstreet Boys, N-sync, Westlife etc.

No,they aren't the most phenomenal pack of voices nor the most good looking ones. But I thought they were the most "real" ones.Many others just seem quite packaged to me, no doubt I was kinda mad over the always Backstreet Boys.

Those were the days.

I finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie. I had wanted to cry along with Morrie's departure but again what for? Morrie wouldn't want anyone to cry for him,though he wouldn't discourage tears.

I swear I don't even know what that book is about at all,even when I decided to buy it. It is almost like something's bugging me when I first saw that book in Borders, like Someone from nowhere told me that I must have that book. And it is almost nothing but pure luck that I saw it at the display windows @ Peace Centre(Can you believe it?Not major bookstores but a shop reeks of old,decaying books) and it's only for $10!I dunno what's the market price but I believe that I 'stole' something good..real good!

And here's how it begins.


I was almost astonished to realise that I have some of Morrie's philosophies of life. Or maybe I thought I do.
I wish I know someone like him to bring me a step closer to what I believe, what I've been searching for. But I thought even if I met someone like him,would I be ashamed to face him?

I knew that there's something "wrong" with this man-made culture, with this ever hungry society and everyone is just blindly following suit.

I often wonder why can't people slow down to see the sky, to stop for a cuppa and not always rushing to the next destination. Of cos' till I forget about that sometimes and follow them, follow what they are doing, till I get tired and feel sad about my life.

I often wonder why can't people be more genuine, talk something more emotional and real? That was till I forego that thought and joined what they are always talking about, till I really never remember smiling from the heart when I was there laughing with them.

There are so many things that I wish there is someone else to teach me to be different from them. Stick to what I believe and be strong about that. Go look at the skies, go feel the wind!It's really ok about that.

It really makes me think..what if I would be doing this forever, for the rest of my life? It doesnt matter what job that I would be doing and where I live. Cos' this carries on everywhere.

Would this prompt me to do something that I wanna do next time?

Over here, we are mostly concerned about how much we earn, how much we save eventually. We are blinded by the materials accumulating and we calculated all those that we need want.

Cos' Von said it. Cos' Morrie said it.Cos' those who are old said it. Cos' I said it.

We are all gonna die one day.

Does all that makes life real for us?

Is a man who live in a one room HDB less successful than those living in private estate?
Is a man who take public transport less successful than those who drive around in those SG-plates?

Who mark all those?Who say this and that?
Why won't we believe in our own culture?Why did we start buying all those craps?

Humans did that. In the name of success, fame, comfort and all. Devils do them.

No wonder we see innocence in the eye of a child. No wonder we see sadness and emptiness in the eye of a grown up.

Maybe I shall leave with this quote from Morrie. A guru to many. His words are almost a sutra. And he only is that wise when he learned to embrace death and ..life.

So many people walk around with a meaningless life.
They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing something they think are important.
This is because they are chasing the wrong things.
The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Almost like Sunday with Mich. Makes ME think.

A long and tiring weekend.
We shall see if a long,well deserved post comes tomorrow.
Night!

After 6pm

Ok..I wanna concentrate blogging but I have two Msn windows disrupting my attention, and they are good friends.

My spirits was greatly lifted when I got myself good books today.
I saw 'Tuesdays with Morrie' at the display window of a bookstore,Peace centre.
It was those kinda old, ultra-messy with a reeking old books smell kinda bookstore. You could imagine thousands or millions of silverfishes making out in between the pages.(Ok that was a lil' exaggeration but the reek was true)

I long wanted to buy 'Tuesdays with Morrie' when it first appeared in the major bookstores.
I dont even know what the book it's about but sometimes we live by gut feelings. Was suppressing the idea cos' I am not one that would spend a mini fortune over books.

Much to my delight, the owner is only selling it (note:Brand new) at $10!Had asked for further reduction but failed.W
as looking around when I suddenly thought of 'Life of Pi'.That was recommended by John once upon a time.I forgot what we said to each other but I remembered him telling me this is a good book.
I trust John. He is a man of fine taste in life except that I couldnt agree with consuming raw.
Tell me I am missing something good but I could never forget that taste of raw tuna in my mouth.(Note:Grand Copthorne’s incident. Von’s trick!)
And…I digress.

Lucky I was that the owner has ‘Life of Pi’(brand new) too!
$10 each was seemly a good deal but being local breed, it never hurts to try my luck with asking for further discounts.(Mission failed.)

So now I have 3 new books with me and if I keep up with these, I might need some space clear for them.
My table is just such a mess.*grunt*

Original plan of tomorrow was spend a day at town tomorrow, pretending the world’s under my feet and it is absolutely fine to be alone.(Honestly a welcoming idea on Friday.)

But sweet darlings still decide to give their boys a miss and come to me. (haha.) Though it is evening that we shall meet but it does well, infact perfected my Friday.

There’s no way you can rest enough to get ready for a new week of work. The bad news is it is really WAR week for me next week.
Since I cant rest enough despite working 5 days or 4 days in a week, might as well make use of what I have.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow shall be fully utilized.

Somedays just repelling apart

I know I am the selfish crap most of the time but have I done anything constructive to correct myself? Heck no.

I think I just slienced Jason off with one or maybe two blunt messages and I am not feeling sorry anyway.
Sometimes I just feel so annoyed!
I felt that he is just another north pole and I run further and further away.

Every lady has her days and it's NOT those days for me.
It's over and yes, mood and hormones are two entities for me.
I think it is bollocks that guys think women are having their days when they are upset.

I just dun feel like talking (at all) when I am much annoyed. Though communication is the key but again it's not my key. I just dont like talking and I told ya I would have opt for my sense of talking if I were force to give up one ability of a normal being. (Though thankfully God that I am normal.)

I expect him to be angry anyway.
It is normal for anyone to be angry when showered with such unreasonable act.
I mean, I even hung the phone without goodbye and him finishing his sentence?! How rude can you get?
But I wasnt sorry. I just feel annoyed for not a good enough reason(s) and I am not sorry anyway.
I kinda expect him to flare up so I would flare even more and we might as well not talk. I am even expecting a mini cold war so I feel annoyed with the whole world of (fucking) pigs! Inhumane world!Defective society and it probably will not change wherever you are.
Period.

And then he(Jason) was telling me that I bottled up my angst and whatever that he said and he was sorry that he couldn't lift the cap up.
For a min, I dunno if there's ever a note of sarcasm in between the lines. So I replied evenly and as a matter of factly.

In the end he still texted me this:

"Yes dear,u tend to bottle...But i'm glad u just lifted the cap a little..."

=/

I was totally speechless.

Is this guy normal or what?
3 years odd of craps and he still never really scold me,let alone pick a big fight.

Sigh..Maybe I should just go sleep after downing the cough syrup.
Why is it made drowsy anyway?

My life on a plate

A random book I picked at TPY library.
Surprisingly quite wickedly funny.Just adore simple books like these.

Spent Tuesday with much coughings.

Dont think I would much to post cos' I would spending more time reading.(and coughing)

Till then,I miss you all.

I wish I could grow aesthetically.Period.
Did nothing to the $1.95 vase and $0.90 tealight holder I bought at IKEA last week. (Btw why is it Tealight holder or I get it all wrong?)I guess I would do better with the $0.50 mug?I think it's $0.50...

Anyway Monday blues, monday boo!It's so freaking cold in the office that I figured winter wear is much needed there.

Was telling Jason that I didn't seem to be able to connect with the rest of them since last incident.Perhaps once bitten, twice shy.I am highly on my guards(as high as can be) on EVERYone else.(Except those really harmless)
Which makes things tiring.
Cos' I dont wanna go back or stoop as low as them,as being such hypocritical creeps, losing my sense of empathy and compassion.

It was fucking funny if anyone ELSE try to tell me anything that has the 'for company's interests' in his/her words.
For that, I would staple myself that person to death.

I bought this book at H.Front last week. It's so freaking cheap and in tip top condition.And it's not thick and words are not weeny.

Titled: The Five People You Meet in Hell.

I have no idea what's the whole story is about yet but the title just ripped my attention.
Even if it's not gonna read well, probably $6 doesnt hurt very much either.

Lemme see if I could see any of names I know in office in this book,particulary for B.00.S.

Ended this entry with some dry coughing.

Guess it's about time.

Memories remain in history if you never protect them.

Sometimes loving you is such a simple thing. (Or am I the complicated one at times?)

I wish times like these never come to an end. It is tiring to think of a next day starting without on our own again.

I was thinking about one line that I heard in Samsoon.(Oh..yea,I am so easily affected by dramas.)

'Memories hold no power.'

Is that so?
Memories to me are very important but maybe they really are powerless.

The place may stays the same but you know it is only memory when you get over the raw feeling as you walk.
Just like going back to H.Front today.

I have many good memories there.But when you moved outta it, you rather the place remained untouch. And when it is 'touched',you feel funnily sad for a moment and then you move on.
I guess that's how "powerless" memories are.

Cos' moving on doesn't mean it is never important to you. It is but it cant be here anymore.

I think those who know how to treasure life, won't allow memories to hinder too much?

Am I?
=/

..What a Blah thought!

Heck tomorrow's Monday again.

How I wish I could just spend the rest of my life watching you right infront of me at the beautiful,cosy Starbucks today.

Reading back

Occassionally I would read the archives. One year back, this month, what have I written.
Ironically I thought it was a pretty good read. Some posts were kinda sensual and I like it.
Haha..Never mind if you can't find yourself nodding with me.
It's okay~

How many times you find yourself lost in time?
I guess I wanna find that book that was mentioned in 'Samsoon'. It's called 'Lost in Time' by a French author which I can't remembered the name.

Sometimes when you do something that belonged to the past, everything just seems so...refreshing yet kinda sad.

Just like visiting TPY library for a short hour today.
Just like reading a novel which you liked in the past for a particular reason.
Just like tracing the steps and looking at the same place with the same hope.

Lost in Time.
I wondered where can I find it.

I guess I must have my dinner now.A lil' late for dinner already.

I still think I am a very difficult person to love. I don't always appreciate those who love me thus I guess that is also why people who had me fallen for never love me back.

I think two of the world's most cruel sounds are a never engaging ringtone and the engaged ringtone.

I think I am a very emotional soul inside yet almost a totally different soul outside.

I think using chinese to describe my feelings is much more romantic and sensual.

I think it's not that I do not want to say goodbye to you but I am afraid after I say it,I will feel nothing and it's not good.

I think I am one person that go through up and down mood swing and it is a cycle every month. (And I hate it)

I think I need some time alone and sometimes solitude cant be a better feel for me.

I think I wanna have my hair long again(though I look bad in it) but the thing is I cant stop visiting the salon every month.

I think I need a good book.

I think I really like to learn a skill that I would be proud of but sadly I ain't moving in any direction.

I think every picture speaks a story and I love to learn photography.(yes..I DO know how to pronounce pho-THO-grap-Phy)

I think I need to sleep though it is so early for a Friday.Blame the good weather.

I think I shall roam around TPY if I manage to pluck all my lazy bones tomorrow.

Night night.

I think I still miss you...=)

Since youve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but its you I cant replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please...

I thought that is the most romantic part of the whole song, other parts just seem so wrong.

Funnily when you start missing someone and you try reaching out to that person, it just spoils all the feelings.

Like tonight...

A formula that works

I guess that's all we need.
Though I am aware that days like these are often just a cycle but I can't help to be sick of what's going on.
On and off, on and off. I wish I grab a better grip of life than being like this always.
And I dont think it's age issue. Merely a lifestyle. I dont believe any SUCCESSful Singaporean out there would feel like king/queen 365!

So what we are done with our rants? It is not necessary motivation/encouragements that work for me always.
I can figure my way out and drive my own path but I realised I need something else.
I need a way out. A different path that brings a different life perhaps. That I could concentrate on making a life closer to my desired.

I was perhaps wrong to put that wish on Jason who really cant do a thing about it now.
I wish badly for someone to bring me out.
A spontaneous act & a warm gentle voice telling me,"Hey,I'll bring you out!" and makes me happy. A hand that would leads me and tugs me to somewhere safe.
I realised I have always been wishing for someone like this. Someone who can protect me and yet let me shine. Someone who can let me be alone and yet never be any further from my heart.

I know Jason is trying to be as close as to that someone I desired for.
I know it is not fair for time for him is not ripe yet.

That's why my frustrations build up when my insecurity attacks.
I dont wanna let Jason feel pressurized and bad because he can't do things help me 'escape' from this place I dislike...yet.
But I dunno what to do and who to count on.

Is that the formula that will makes wonder for me?
A Prince of July?(Heck that if you dont understand. I dunno how I make up that either.)


If days like these are just a cycle and probably you are gonna hitch the upride soon..but it is just frustrating,especially if you are counting on yourself to tide the dark days.
I know we just wish for someone else to take us fly..another way.

Home on the range

That used to one of my favourite songs in the song book during Primary times.

Sometimes I draw inspirations from movies/shows.
Ren(2) sheng(1) ye(3) bu(4) guo(4) shi(4) zhe(4) yang(4).

Sometimes I ask what am I doing what I have been doing for?
For my parents or for my due responsibility? Life couldnt be more simpler than that? Couldnt happiness and sorrow be a very innocent and simple emotions? Whose making life's complicated? What's the complication?

I suddenly realised I dont want my life to be following the rest of the written guide. Or rather I have been fearing that for a long time.
A simple thought...Work,marry,a small home,work and so on. Probably alot of our beautiful imagination stops at a simple small family, forgetting that the reality bites of that.

I don't wish to do all that just because it seems right,logical and it seems to be a responsibility.

Suddenly I have a thought.Is it just a thought or a step I would carry out one day?
I really wish to see the world.
Maybe I work for 1 or 2 years more, I would exhaust my savings and go backpack.
I don't know how far can I afford but maybe I would start with Australia first.

I would figure out what's life then.Sad to say, I would still need a lil more savings to figure out what's life. Maybe then my parents would let me go further..maybe I owe lesser explainations too.Maybe I would be more mature and more independent then as well.

I would just get a job. Dish washer, waitress, service crew.I earn whatever it can last me for the next few days and go a lil' further.
Till I am done with one country, I work for a lil longer before I have enough to travel to the next.

This makes me think was it wrong of my (elder) brother to insist on his trip to London then?
I was a lil' envy no matter how. At least he returned with a lil' experience of outside though penniless.

Is it like this?
Should life be like this?
Would I be satisfied then?
What's next even I really managed to do that? Would I still come back to settle down for a family and continue the rest of the typical steps?

Maybe I will be too old and would be lagging too much behind then. Maybe I would be envying my friends who are already ahead of me then. Maybe I would be regretting even.

What should it be then?

HonestlyI do not wish to return to work tomorrow.
Yes, that incident was one of the big reasons. I just find it hard to carry on with the act.
I feel that working with such complications is difficult and tiring.

At a point of time, I thought I am already accepting all these. This is afterall how the society functions.

I realised I dont belong there.
As much as I tried to learn and cope and wiser up, I still find myself feeling sick and tired as time goes.
I prayed for strength and even forgiveness cos' sometimes I am being mean and could hurt others as I have to. This is my job's requirements. I could understand a job seeker's feelings but I cant give everyone a job.

Even if I quit now, what will I do?
My guilt would manifest my whole body! It could be easier if my family is richer.

This is getting no where and I am getting so fedup and sick.

What's the complications?

Humans are.

I just want you to know who I am

I got myself into a fixed yesterday at work. I directly presented myself into the mouth's of predator and it was freaking embarassing.
Though everything was kinda resolved last night by my quick wits and our acts,(1hr13mins plus of conversation that would add to my bill woes.) it is still gonna be a lil' awkard for me for the sometime.

I guess the most ironic part of the whole conversation yesterday is that they think I would stay for good and they should retain me for good.
That was how "good" I am? When someone I already have high guards on try eating me on my empathy part,I think it's holly mistake for them be it how sincere last night could be.

We are just acting. You are and I am.
Am sick of this crazy city and yet we are trapped within.
It is that difficult to everyone of us to live with implicit trust and faith?
Oh...definitely.Not at work at least.

Took leave today and realised how tired my body was.

You know about that Chinese proverb or idiom(I can't identify what's what in Chinese by now) that Life's like Drama and/or vice versa.

Honestly I think of otherwise by now. The real life is just something different, less emotional provoking and definitely more helpless at times. I mean how many dramas show the character being 'sian' most of the time? In your average shows, something good always happen outta it no matter what.

Sometimes I am just afraid that I am not living my worth, not making my worth,can't live my worth of this life.
It is pretty much of a worry for average being like you and me. We are not bless with everything good in life and naturally we would define good as being able to afford things.
It is naturally difficult for us to be thinking forever that @ least I got a roof over my head, @ least I got a job etc. And I blame the society & the man-made culture!

I used to think I would be much happier in a place where I could get less in touch of city-beings.I could be earning just enough for a day's eating everyday but at least I am more happy.

Such simple thinkings derived from books, from shows, from sit-coms, from envision.
Perhaps people would be telling me when you are leading such life, you would be wishing that you lead otherwise.

The grass always greener the other end and the water taste sweeter too.

Days that you tried hard motivating yourself seem to work only somedays.

22 years old?
You are telling me 22 years old is still a long way to go.
I would grow wiser and I would grow meaner.
If I give myself another 8 or 10 years, would I say is that peak of life achieved or would I be leading that typical life style as stereotyped and be thinking is this gonna be the rest of it and end of these nonsenses?

Life & You

Everyone of us would have a philosophy of ideal life.
Ideal life is like having a home featured in Ikea catalogue, (which is so irrelevant to average SG's HDB)basking in the town's sunshine during weekdays,having a forever passion burning relationship,good friends who are forever here for each other, a dog that will never die before you,and a family like The Simpsons.(joking)

Note that I conveniently excluded working to be part of ideal life.
According to my lil' brother, he said that humans' bodies are made to be last forever. (That means immortality do exists)The cells just keep reproducing and it is possible to keep running on like that.But due to stress and negative vibes we are exposed to,our life expectancy diminishes naturally.
So I figured without working, we might just live longer.

Where does money grow from then?
Duh..ATM lo.

So to reflect a lil, that ideal life is a lil far fetch from exisiting.
At least I do have a good boyfriend. My galfriends have good boyfriends too.
My family aint exactly Simpsons' materials but it's ok, I dont fancy to be yellow too.
Didn't basked in town's sunshine on most weekdays but Orchard is all that we have got, nothing too wow also.
Definitely not a home like Ikea's catalogue,I dont have a maid to help me to maintain that cleanliness too.
A dog that will not leave before me. It is not that ideal for that dog too. We are each other emotional lugguage.
Still have to work and deal with the shorter life. What to do?Money dont just grow from ATM for free or by mistake.

At least now I am still happy inserting a dollar for that Sitch/Mickey/Pooh capsules,still happy with meeting the exisiting friends and loving each other,still happy flipping IKEA pages and fantasizes, still happy doing my regular grocery at NTUC, still happy in our 3 years plus relationship that just seem so young still, and still happy with the relaxing lazy,lazzy,lazzzzzy Sunday with Class 95 fm.

The world is round, not square.(thus not fair)

It is kinda ironic to see how our stands and views change when we are in different positions.

Working life is indeed more harsh and cruel reality to accept. Does much damages to one’s mind actually.

Here I am playing the ‘invisible’ help hand for the 2 much ignorant or rather naïve attachment gals. They probably aren’t aware that this working place aint as safe as it looks.
Had to ‘save’ them outta danger sometimes. Only thing is that I do not have much trust that I will be any safer myself if I try too much to help them.

Over time I find it is hard to understand why the faces here seem more like a strangers these days. Like everything is just based on superficiality and we forget all that we laughed the next morning.
When I see how they revealed to me, by choice of trust or unwit, the “true colours”, I automatically feel revolted. But here I am still playing the game along and starting to fear for myself.

Being in a recruitment field, you probably see how unfair the game is played all along in this society.

It is fucking hypocritical that this tiny dot in the globe is trying to prove to the rest of the big continents that we are a multi-racial harmonious island.
Despite different skin colors, different languages, we come from the same land and we are Singaporeans.

I will laugh till my intestines engaged in knots and burst.

We are gauging a probability of at least 7 outta 10 that Chinese are the preferred or wanted only when they need people.
How fair is that?

And yet I am not in total un-understanding nor disapproval of such demand.
Having spending slightly more than a year in this line, it is easy to learn why/how stereotypication of races arises and how much of a spot on they usually are. Not that Chinese are much less of a wastrel to society. A lot still are but perhaps a lil’ lesser.

Race is a problem.
Age is a problem.
Nationality is too a problem. It doesn’t matter if you obtained PR status. So long you come from a place no more nearer than Malaysia, you are easily not being considered.

I am too guilty that I often run down such groups of people till I reflected about it yesterday.
I guess when you are doing what you have to do daily, you just forget the ‘kind’ intentions and empathy you have for the world.

But it is not that I have a choice to change anything about that.

Well e’nuff said.

That is how the world is revolves.

Can you do a thing about it?

Long time no blog!

Certainly seems like a long time for a person who do her daily rants here.

Had so many things in mind that I wanna write it down but I just have lil' time to do.
TV is a major attraction lately. That Measures of Man(I think) and Samsoon!!I cant help to sneak out to watch(like right now.....) before returning back during the 3-5mins commercial break.

And that again leaves me with no time to blog cos' Samsoon is starting.

Maybe Sunday...Sunday,I will do a decent one.

Promises..promise.

Shower in the morning...Wish it isnt true

Just dont you hate this kinda GOOD weather in the day, especially when you are struggling to get up.
I spent like more than 5 minutes contemplating should I take full or half day leave just to bury myself in the bed.
If the torture of the day is to just lay on your bed the WHOLE day, I would have do it!

Temptations of own desires are pretty strong and I almost succumb it.
Sigh..Guess the thought of resting not at ease at home is even more horrible.
I detest the ringing of my phone when I am not at work. It only spells s-i-a-n!

Have been Dr.Mich for a old friend...
Argh..the bad things these days is I have not much time to do a proper blog. not ever since I wanna watch Samsoon @ 10pm.

Maybe tomorrow...I try harder.

Too exhuasted for a new week

I havent done much during Saturday and spelt most of my Sunday away AND I am still feeling tired.
Bet I would have trouble sleeping at night resulting in a bluey Mich tomorrow.
-_-*

Went to the East Coast with Jason's relatives on Saturday.
Brilliant weather!
I merely strolled a short distance with Jason on the shores and spent the rest of the time either sitting on the hammock or sleeping on it.
I tell ya, sleeping on a hammock is such a wonderful thing to do!
The sea breeze, the warm sun,(and his uncles & aunties' chattering)the gentle sway of the hammock, time literally stop there!

It's such a nice family feel. I would have been more at ease if the family is my own. Hehe.Jason has got such nice aunties & uncles.(And beautiful cousins!)

If only every single day spells Saturday & Sunday when you tear the pages of the calender.
Imagine; Saturday,Sunday,Saturday,Sunday..Oh..and Friday evening!

It felt so long since I last met Jason before yesterday. And it's gonna be another 5 days.

I pray for the best for everyone!

Another orgasmic Friday

It was huge blessing, unbelievable luck and countless thankings that my 1st of Sept went so well.
First there was no rain before reaching office.
Second the 2 good news arrived and was tentatively confirmed!
Third there was no rain after knocking off.
Forth, everyone is HAPPY!

Have you ever wish that being the opposite sex is perhaps a better choice?
When you were young, do you compared the pros and cons of both genders?
I remembered the craps of being guys have to go through NS and gals have to go through pregnancy and couldn't decide who would be luckier. Haw!

At such point of life, I am just so thankful that I am from Venus~
Whether it is gals' time or guys' time, you still get the thrill and joy.(If you get the drift.)

Met up with Von & Irene this evening.
My virgin dine at Changing Appetite. Would have order the burger Von ate if I was hungrier.
Before I headed for the busstop officially, I dropped by Topshop.
Hehe.


A glance of what I got today with a kay poh Sitch! But seriously what is that Olay cleanser doing in my bag?

I guess the best satisfaction of my job is when people can't thanked me enough when they got a job through me.
I'm talking about those high paying jobs.
Though I gained pathetically little from their succession and really did not much for their succession...but it is that inmonetary graditude they felt for you. And I felt happy for them too!
Booast my spirit!

Now I am extremely thankful for what I have and am glad that I did progress!

Darn,my blogger is lagging.Better end here before it hangs!